Life version 2.5

Wow.  I knew I was taking a break from blogging but I had no idea it had been so very long.  Sadly, I'm not sure much of real consequence was missed, but I guess that could be considered a good thing.

Today is a beautiful fall day in Northern Kentucky, right now in the 60s, slight breeze, sunshine all around.  We got surprised over the last week with an unusual cold front that had me downright frightened that winter might be imminent.  I wrapped myself up in blankets, shivered and believe it or not, I didn't freeze to death.  I just need to ease into it.  Going from high 80s and 90s to 50s was a little harsh.  I did manage to knit a pair of mittens and start a sweater though, so maybe from a creative standpoint it was a good thing.

First day of the MLB playoffs!  If you had told me last year that we would be living in a town where the team hadn't made the playoffs since 1995, I would have been confused.  But we have adopted this Reds team as our own (let me make this clear: in the NATIONAL League!), made it to quite a few games and become addicts.  No Sox in the playoffs this year, but its exciting to cheer for the underdog.  Game 1 against the Phillies later tonight - we are ready!  Little man has turned into a baseball idiot savant.  Its going to be difficult for him when the season is over and he can't quote the last night's box scores every morning.

I think I forgot the most important development of the last few months.  We are ready to watch the game...in our own place!  We finally escaped!  Going into our 4th week in our new place, a cute little house that we are renting from a friend of ours at work.  Circumstances worked out in that almost divinely perfect manner for all of us.  We were having trouble finding a place and she needed to move in with her ailing father.  We love the house.  We got in just in time to get the little man started in Kindergarden and slowly I am sorting through the pieces of our lives.  We threw out a good portion of our belongings when we left that one place we never lived.  I am continuing that trend.  One thing I learned by not having but the barest of essential possessions for 7 months is that I just don't need all the stuff.  Like I said, work in progress.

Things are finally peaceful.  We have had a really rough year.  It was a touch and go type summer.  I shut down emotionally, which is why I stopped blogging altogether.  Things were...rough.  I ended up spending 2 weeks in New Mexico thinking it would help.  It did.  Unfortunately, you have to come back eventually!  Our move was delayed for far longer than I ever anticipated, but I'm hoping the battles fought and won and all the struggles have just made us all that much stronger.

Now we settle into life again.  Exhale.

Existing

Haven't blogged in a bit.  A full month, actually.  Not that there hasn't been excitement in my life, its just that, well, the excitement is not all that exciting!

I did actually look for, apply for and get a job.  And started.  Still feeling my way around and trying to make it my place.  Part of the problem of working in one restaurant for so many years is that co-workers became close friends and just walking into the building became like home.  The place I worked in the hellhole was never like that.  I'm hopeful the new place will be better.  Everyone is a bit older and most of the servers have been there for years.  That speaks VOLUMES in this industry.  But like I said, still feeling it out.

I am not so happy to say we are still living at the inlaws.  Never in my wildest nightmares did I anticipate being here this long, but circumstances are what they are.  We are now actively looking for a place and as soon as we get one?  Hasta la vista baby!  To say I'm excited would be just a tad of an understatement.  I've never longed for my own space and privacy so much in my life.

And yes, the insanity continues.  Its become almost a joke how often I hear MIL gossiping about me.  Trust me on this one peeps, I absolutely do not do anything so exciting or scandalous enough to warrant the amount of time spent gossiping about me.  I sometimes wish I did!  Most of the time I'm not working is spent hidden in the bedroom.  When we are both off, we are generally not here at all.  Who knew I was so intriguing?

We continue to explore our new place, which is amazing fun.  It is indescribably beautiful here this time of year.  It gets humid, sometimes a bit warm but it is so green!  I told Mikey yesterday that I never realized I had a need for trees in my life.  I do.  I love them.  Maybe I will get used to them and long for the desert?

So for now we are settling in to summer and planning for the future.  See?  Not so exciting.

What to read, what to read?

I love to read.  I've always loved to read.  I was THAT kid, the one that always had a book and preferred to go to the library than almost anywhere else over the summer.  This habit has done me well through life, particularly because not only do I love to read, but I read fast.  Like, superfast.  That was great when I was in school.  I could get through things quickly and easily.  If I have a lot of books lying around at any given point in time, life is grand.  If not, things get ugly.

Case in point.  We are currently residing with my husband's parents.  We moved across country and we are staying with them until we get "established", whatever that means.  What it means to me is that it better be soon or my sanity is forever threatened, but that is a totally different post.

I have a lot of books on my laptop that I will read when hubby is at work and not trying to hog it for himself to farm, read Bill Simmons or chat with his fantasy sports geek buddies.  (We really need two laptops.  Maybe in my rich life?)  When he has the laptop and I don't have anything to read, well, I have been experimenting.  I finished all the books I had in fairly short order after arriving here.  Then I started to browse through the inlaws library.  Hmm.  There was a Patricia Cornwell I hadn't yet read and a couple other mystery/crime novels that were good fun.  Then desperation sets in.  Danielle Steel.  Ugh.  I know my sister and I used to read her when we would sneak the books from my mom in high school.  We thought we were oh so scandalous.

I've since moved on to other forms of smut, oops, I mean "romance" novels.  Nora Roberts is my personal favorite for complete escapism.  So it had been years since I opened a Danielle Steel book.  A-W-F-U-L.  Almost unbearable.  I say almost because of course I read them, I had to read something, didn't I?  Don't get me wrong, I am not a literary snob.  I'll read almost anything if it keeps my interest.  But this is just bad.  One of those experiences where I feel slightly dumber when I finish.  I'm not knocking anyone who enjoys her work, don't get me wrong.  I just remember her stuff being a little more entertaining.  Maybe she's out of original material?  I dunno.

Sound to anyone like I need a trip to Borders or Barnes and Noble stat??

Rest in peace sweet Eva

Not sure how many of you followed her blog or knew her story, but cystic fibrosis warrior Eva passed away this morning after an epic battle. I know her family and friends can be sure she is now at peace after so many struggles.

http://65redroses.livejournal.com/139488.html

Oh, the trouble I've seen

I love being a mom.  I really do.  But there are definitely things that I miss about being childless.  Like right now - I would so much rather be watching One Life to Live or the Mets/Cardinals game.  Instead.. "Snow Buddies".  Sigh.  So much to sacrifice for a few rare moments of peace with the 4 year old.  And believe it or not, he is sitting on the couch, completely quiet and mostly still.  Amazing.

Then there is sleep.  Ah, precious sleep.  If you aren't a sleep person, you won't get it.  I adore sleep.  I crave it. I always have, even as a kid.  My dad was a notorious napper..I blame it on genes.  Giving up sleep, or at least uninterrupted at-will sleep has been one of the more difficult transitions I have had to make as a parent.  I can't wait until my kids are old enough to WANT to sleep in.

Of course I miss my size 4 pre-parenthood figure.  And on the sleep subject (see?  I have a one track mind!) I really miss sleeping on my stomach.  Its not that I can't, I just don't anymore.  I was so trained to sleep on my side after 4 babies that I still do it.

I miss being able to go out on a whim.  I miss shopping without an agenda or plan.  I miss being able to do anything spontaneous, quite honestly.

I miss not having to worry, 24/7.  But alas, that comes with the territory.  I am now a constant worrier.  I come up with ridiculous scenarios about various ills that may befall my kiddos.  OCD much?

Yet, these are the sacrifices that we gladly make..right??  Sure they are!  Although I personally can't wait to be a parent of grown children.  :)

cups and fishicide

I'm missing my littles today.  As I recline on the couch watching "Wizards of Wiverly/Wizerly Place the Movie" (how Bay says it depends on the moment) I wonder what they are doing right now.  The time zone difference screws me up.  Its almost noon here, but for them its probably morning recess.  And I bet its warm, dammit.

I have been talking to them almost nightly lately, its as if they sense my missing them and want to fill me in on their days.  Dilly, or "Orange-y", in particular.  He gave me a near 5 minute lecture this weekend on how if Bay is really serious about playing t-ball it is very important that he not forget to wear a cup.  *snickers* I totally needed a long conversation with a 7 year old about boy junk.  He also sweetly offered to send Bay his old t-ball gear - including his cup.  Um, thanks Dill.  I think we can handle it.  I want to laugh every time I even think about him.  His typical response to anything I tell him is "Oh my god."  Spoken almost in one word.    Dramatic much?

They got new fish this weekend.  Some sort of African fish that apparently eats other fish.  It seems their dad wanted to start fresh in the tank.  I didn't ask.  Sometimes its better not to know.  Dilly thought it was cool.  Logan really couldn't care less.  Cassie, on the other hand, described to me how she took her favorite fish and  proceeded to "free" it, Nemo style, down the toilet, rather than risk fish murder at the hands of the new African fish.  Ummm, ok.  No, I didn't take it any further.  She's going to end up being a vet.  Or maybe a lion tamer.  Either way.  Although she was channeling her inner me, doing her science project on the very last night of the very last day of Spring Break.  Nope, not me!

As long as I maintain some level of knowledge about video games, Logan and I could talk for hours.  He is so calm and so cool.  I love that about him.  Yes, he gets emotional.  But he is such an even-keeled child.  So UNlike his mama.  I won't lie and say that I don't intentionally try to rile him up.  ;)

I can't wait for them to come out and experience this new place.  They are going to love it, its so completely different than anything my Southwest born and bred children have ever experienced.  Just about 2 months.  I can't wait.

Detox

Seriously.  I feel like I need basketball rehab after this weekend.  And lets be totally honest -- its not just this weekend.  As I find myself, well, without work or purpose in general, I've watched basketball from pre-conference tournaments through this last weekend pretty much every day.  I'm a junkie.  And its not even baseball season yet.

The lowlight of the weekend for me is two-fold.  The first is what didn't happen, that is Arizona not being in the field for the first time in a bazillion years.  The second was my upstart NMSU Aggies getting oh-so-close to beating Michigan State.  (Mikey and I still maintain they got screwed by the refs, but that's neither here nor there)  We were watching the game at a bar and there were more than a few people there that were shooting me strange glances as I yelled at the TV.  We live in Kentucky.  If you don't bleed blue, I'm not sure they get it.

Notice I leave out how badly the Horns sucked.  It doesn't even deserve mention.  And I could write a thesis on the Lobos, but I won't.

The highlight was also two-fold and has to do with underdogs.  I have liked St. Marys for awhile, I have a love for the West Coast Conference that dates back a long time.  This team of theirs this year is scrappy, ugly, spastic and oh so fun to watch.  I hope they win it all, I really do.  Not to mention most of their starters are from Australia.  What's that all about?

And the highest of highlights is of course Kansas.  Oh, thank you Northern Iowa.  I couldn't have scripted it better.  It maimed my bracket.  I could care less.  I cackled, yes, cackled, like a maniac for longer than was necessary.  This time it was my in-laws who looked at me like I was certifiable.  Glad I could oblige.  :)

Today it is cold, wet and basketball free and we are all worn out.  Tired, maybe a bit sick and completely basketball hungover.  Perfect day for a baseball game, huh?

Snuggie time

Yep, its cold again. I call NOT FAIR! It warmed up, I swear it did..if only for a few days. Even with rain, it was bearable outside. The last couple of days its been all I can do to get out from underneath a blanket or the dreaded Snuggie. I fought the Snuggie tooth and nail and for those of you that haven't had the pleasure of experiencing one, its even more ridiculous than it appears on tv.  It doesn't stay closed and one size fits all my ass.  But for a glorified blanket, it will work in a pinch.

I am ready for spring.  Everyone keeps assuring me it will be worth it once everything comes up green and glorious.  I believe them.  Once the feet of snow melted, there was actual green grass underneath.  Amazing!  But a little warmth wouldn't hurt anything, I promise.  I don't need sweltering heat, just enough so that I can put on some flip flops.  Just enough so that I don't have to wear my winter coat or God forbid, the Snuggie to the Reds game during opening week.

The one thing conspicuously absent though?  March means wind to me.  I grew up in the Southwest, that is what I am programmed to expect.  In Albuquerque and even worse in the townthatshallnotbenamed this time of year, you can expect to grind dirt particles in your teeth all day if you dare to step outside.  I definitely don't miss the wind, and neither do my contacts.

So Ferb, I know what we are going to do today.  Hunker down under our Snuggies and dream of spring.  I know its out there, lurking, teasing me.

I am an other-worldly level of cranky today.  Like, do not approach or you risk losing a body part.  My sleeping patterns are whacked out at the moment, so that certainly doesn't help.  I've been having dreams that run the gamut from getting murdered (that whole you can't dream about dying or you die myth?  I'm here to tell you its BS) to sitting on a old couch on the patio of a restaurant owned by Dave Grohl.  Ok, my husband was with me, but still.  My awake hours are decidedly UNproductive, because, well, I don't really have much to do.  It still invokes some level of guilt event though I know, logically, there is nothing I am neglecting or putting off.

Moral of the story?  There isn't one.  I just needed to growl a little.  I'm trying to stay away from flesh and blood humans at the moment until their safety isn't in question.  Better to pound away at the keyboard while they play Super Mario than scare them.

I've been getting just a little too "sullen, suffer in silence" for my own good the past few days.  To throw out one selfish prop to myself, life with no money, no job and living with the inlaws isn't exactly the high life.  But it IS our life at the moment and my fits of selfishness aren't going to make time go by any quicker.

Tonight is Mikey's first night at work.  Hopefully he can get in and out of training muy rapido so that he can just start working. Its beyond frustrating that I can't work, for more reasons than me just wanting to help out monetarily.  At this point I would love, love to get out on my own, at least for a little while a day.  Unfortunately that isn't going to happen any time soon, at least until we can get another vehicle.  So for now, I am here with Bay, Mikey when he is here now and Mikey's mom.

I'm reintroducing myself to the Disney Channel.  I wish they showed Phineas and Ferb and Jonas all day.

The sheer volume of knitting projects I have not only cast on but finished since we've been here (two weeks tomorrow, in fact) is impressive.  Including a very fancy blanket made for the one and only Cooper Cow last night.  Spoiled rotten bovine, yes he is!

We've gone out a few times.  Met a super cool bartender who was so impressed by her recent trip to Albuquerque that she tattoed red AND green chili on her arm.  This weekend I'm hoping to go to the annual Bock Fest in Cincinnati, which also includes a tour of the Prohibition era breweries and bars that I missed the sign up for.  Next year!  Have I mentioned people that live in Cincinnati drink the most beer per capita of any metro area in the country?  Perfect, right?

Mostly, its just a take it as it comes sort of existence.  But hey!  The sun stayed out alllll day long today, so I consider this an good sign of things to come.  I'm seriously thinking about doing something drastic fitness wise this spring, so stay tuned for that.  Or at least for a good laugh.

Bay and I at our NEW location (aka the inlaws's spare bedroom)

Day #1 of working on getting life on track here.  We spent the weekend exploring, acclimating and if you were me, freaking at random intervals.  Today it was time to get to work, or attempt to.  

The place we are staying is a bit far out, but nothing unmanageable.  Its just an adjustment learning to live in the suburbs after living in, well, small town hell.  We've done a bit of exploring and today we went out to some areas we'd scoped out to look for a J-O-B.  At least for Mikey, for now.  This is something that I hate, its a process I dread.  So does he.  Surprised that we ended the afternoon using each other for target practice?  Don't be.  I'm not.  

I did spend a blissful half hour wandering around a Borders, looking at all the shiny beautiful books I want that I can't afford.  Number one on my list is the Mason Dixon knitting book.  I love it!!  Must have.

Things are settling into their own little groove.  There are adjustments at every turn and things I must remind myself about all day.  We did this for a reason.  It WILL be better.  I CAN handle my inlaws, bless them.  And as private of a person as I can be, this is an exercise in learning to live peacefully among others and accepting little quirks.  Each day is a new adventure, a new experience and a new lesson to be learned.

Like this one.  Why can you not buy liquor or wine in grocery stores here?  Not that I have had the occasion to do so, but this is weird, weird to me.  And you can smoke in bars?!  Haven't seen that in a hot minute.  News on at 11.  Of course, along with this is prime time starting at 8.  

Small adjustments.  I admit it, I am addicted to certain things (beyond the obvious.  *snort*)  One is tv while I sleep.  Not necessarily because I watch it, but because I need the noise and light.  Not one in our room.  I've been falling asleep with the IPod on, but I wake up disoriented and weirded out.  Maybe I can break my addiction.    

So.. nothing big but yet it all feels big to me.  It looks different (WAY different), it feels different, it smells different.  I won't fully adjust until we have our own place, our own jobs, our own things, our own groove.  But I can work on the small stuff for now.

Day 2

Well, we didn't get the start out of THAT place as quickly or nearly as easily as we had hoped, but I did get my wish - we were across the state line before the sun set.  Granted, we lived 10 minutes from the border, but still.  I had threatened to bury my husband between a cow and something oil related if we had to endure another minute not on the road.

And so we set off in a car packed so full that I literally can't see little man from where I sit in the front seat.  We ended up stopping a bit short of what we would have hoped, but when we got to the point that I was spouting off my "random Panama stat of the day" (btw, it was guess where Jeremy Shockey is vacationing, in case you needed some Panama knowledge) and Mikey was singing Offspring in falsetto, it was time to take a pitstop.

Boys slept soundly, Mommy notsomuch.  But I am more than a little pumped to stop and get the venti-est of venti lattes, perhaps more than one at an actual coffee shop.  We are headed next to Little Rock.  I'm going to attempt to take some cheesy interstate pictures to share, if I can manage.

Ta ta for now!

Our Big Adventure

Not really Pee Wee Herman style, but my body and brain are so fried at this point, I'm beginning to feel like I could use a playhouse and a padded room.

As soon as we can get it all together, (ha!) we are hitting the road.  We are giving away about half of what we own, and this is after I got rid of a ton of stuff.  I admit it, I am a bit of a pack rat.  This in itself is truly ridiculous, given the sheer volumes of moves I have made since I reached adulthood.  But I tried my very best to divest some of the unnecessary clutter.  Seems appropriate.  The rest of the belongings are shoved into a 5 x 10 storage unit until we can get them at a later date.  We are packing the little old car to the brim and heading east.

I guess that point when you have to make that life changing decision has come.  In a big way.  Mikey resigned his job and we decided to make a fresh start.  Today, we are headed to Dallas, perhaps Little Rock?

Wish us luck!  I'm running on fumes after packing furiously for 2 days.

Bay and I say "Peace Out!" to small town New Mexico

Who Dat!

I'm a Packers fan.  But my husband is a die-hard Saints fan, so I will cheer for them, unless of course they are playing my Pack.  So naturally this playoff season has been an exciting one around here, particularly given the rough time we've been going through.

I'm not sure I can say I believed that they would win, not gonna lie.  If a team could win on sheer momentum and fanbase loyalty, this would be the team.  During the first quarter I watched my husband getting more and more dejected and I wanted things to change more than anything.  Its cliched, its overstating the obvious, but he, like many Saints fans, NEEDED that win.

If you aren't a sports fanatic like we are, you probably think this is silly.  Its not.  I think that a big part of the reason sports appeal to so many is that its a form of pure escapism.  There is nothing better than forgetting your problems for a few hours while you watch a sporting event.  It can also take a lot out of you.  I've spent more hours than I should crying over a hard loss.  I guess being a Red Sox fan was my destiny.  ;)

So it wasn't terribly surprising to see my husband crying for a good long time after the Saints did the amazing last night.  I am not sure our 4 year old understood why Daddy wouldn't let him go, but I did.  It was like all of the stress of the past few months came pouring out of him.

Which is why this picture has to be one of my favorite ever.  Ever!  Baby Brees is grinning because his daddy is playing with him.  He may not understand, but he will.  And if you don't love that Saints fan got this win, well, I can't help ya.  But from my own selfish perspective, sometimes you just need the win.

Another bump in the road

Although most days it seems like we are muddling through and making things better, I am not naive enough to believe its all perfect.  We have had a rough few days -- new diet for me, no smoking for him, all of us getting used to each other again -- and somehow it became easy to fall back into old patterns.  Bickering, sniping at each other.  Nothing we can't break through.

Then we had another big setback today.  No, I won't even be overstating it if I say HUGE setback.  One that is going to make it almost impossible for us to survive financially, even with all the things we have cut out of the budget.

So my question to myself, anyone that might read this and most importantly God is this.  How much is too much?  How much do you take before you not only make a change, but a drastic, change your life sort of change?  All of the sacrifices that we made and had our family make for this move seem like they were for nothing.  Not only have we not moved forward, but we are far worse off than when we began.  And mostly miserable.

I can say with 99.9% certainty that our marriage won't survive if this keeps on the same path.  I had a moment earlier today, even before this awful news, that brought me right back to a couple of months ago, when our marriage was in complete shambles and I felt powerless to do anything to save it.  Which means change has to happen and quick.  Our son needs it too.

What, what to do?  I am at a loss.  We decided it would be best for me to stay home, both for our family and  finances.  I really don't think it would help anything.  It would put us right back to where we were that got us in this situation.  Its important for me to focus on my family, make things right.

I don't have the answer.  I have to put it in God's hands to lead us the right way and to help us make the right decision.  I've been brought about as low as I can go.

As normal as it gets

As I sit and watch last night's "Big Love" for the third time (yes, I'm an addict), it occurs to me that this is the first completely normal day I've had in as long as I can remember.  Months.  That might sound crazy, but its true.  Bailey came home from his extended trip to his grandparents on Friday night.  43 days to be precise.  We spent the weekend in a ridiculous state of  bliss, all three of us.  Not only did I miss him, but hubby was gone a week too, the last three of those with NO contact, cell or computer.  We snuggled, we played, we laughed, we loved. 

Today was hubby's first day back at work after vacation and my first day back as a semi-official SAHM.  Its been awhile.  I've worked since Bailey was born with just small breaks.  My only real forray into SAHM-dom was after Logan was born..a gazillion years ago.  So its going to take some adjustment for all of us.

But after dinner was made, kitchen cleaned, bath given, story read and now quiet?  I feel content.  I feel like this is the way it should be.  I feel normal. 

Who knows what the future is going to bring this year but I am starting to know that I can handle whatever with love, my guys and the Lord by my side.

Do you know what today is? If you are an unstable baseball junkie like me, you know it means 25 days until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. It also means I am getting the shakes like an addict with no connection. Let the countdown begin!!

A picture of my big birthday girl (taken expertly by her 10 year old brother) and one of the little man driving in the car from the airport with his daddy.

Ok. I feel much better today. Its sort of a gloomy day.. dark, rainy, thunder in the distance. But I am bundled up in my blankets watching Titanic for the gazillionth time. Nothing wrong with some vintage Leo to help the mood, is there? Practically medicinal!

Reunion of little man and his daddy is complete. He was completely surprised, as he had no idea of the impending visit. They are both happy and I can hear that happiness in their voices, which touches me long distance in its intensity. I can't wait until I have both of them back here to love them and never let them go again. Whatever happens in our lives next we can handle together. Nothing can be more important than that.

Today is also my daughter's 9th birthday!! Because she is obviously my girl, she is having a party at a Sushi/teppan grill restaurant and then a sleepover. :) I wish I could be there, but she is happy and obviously having a great day. I've already gotten a "Mooommmm" after calling her several times to sing different renditions of a birthday song. If there is one things all my kids understand, its that I will be me, in all of my goofiness. Its one trait that I am proud to say I got from my dad, as much as he sometimes mortified me growing up.

Its an interesting day. At this point, nearing midnight, I should be somewhere in Missouri, on a roadtrip with my husband to get to Ohio to get the little man. Obviously, I'm not. I am sitting at home, here in small town hell, watching a really bad Lifetime movie. Little man is long gone to sleepy town, dreaming sweet dreams. His daddy is also asleep, in a Dallas hotel.

I couldn't go. I don't know why. I wanted to. I NEEDED to get out of this town. But when it came down to it, I was afraid. Afraid of the drive, afraid of the trip who knows? I'm beginning to wonder if I was just afraid to leave the house. It seems to be harder and harder for me.

Yes, there was an argument. I don't blame him for being upset. But when it comes down to it, its on me. In 12 hours he will be with little man and his family, a happy place. I am here, alone, wondering what the hell I was thinking.

So for the next week, I will try to find what I need to welcome them back while I deal with being alone...maybe the longest time ever for me.

I have been thinking over changes for the New Year. Not necessarily resolutions, as I never seem to keep those and then I feel guilty and worse than before I made them. This year I think changes, both in attitude and in actions are more appropriate.

I intended to write this post at the traditional time, ya know, New Years? But as is the norm around here lately, life has a way of intervening. The hubby and I have been spending time together, working some things through. I got through Christmas relatively unscathed and New Years has always been more about football for me anyway. :)

So it seemed things might be headed in the right direction, slowly but surely. Maybe not. There are some work issues and last weekend our vehicle got repossessed. More challenges to add to the pile. But I digress..

This just fortifies my need for CHANGE. I feel like we have been ripped bare to the bone and have to rebuild at this point. I am working on my own emotional wellbeing..I have good days and bad days. Bailey will be home next week and that is sure to buoy my spirits, as one can't help but smile in his presence. Mike is working hard, long hours out of necessity right now. We have decided that for the time being, I am not going back to work. This will involve another change, as I've never been the most patient stay at home mom.

Patience.
Love, unconditional style.
Perseverance.
Hope. Faith. Grace.
And most importantly, the ability to find happiness in every situation, even when it doesn't go the way we planned.

This is my mantra. Notice, they aren't specific. I think every area of my life can use pieces of these. So a bit late, but Happy New Year and here's to a fantastic 2010.