Its an interesting day. At this point, nearing midnight, I should be somewhere in Missouri, on a roadtrip with my husband to get to Ohio to get the little man. Obviously, I'm not. I am sitting at home, here in small town hell, watching a really bad Lifetime movie. Little man is long gone to sleepy town, dreaming sweet dreams. His daddy is also asleep, in a Dallas hotel.

I couldn't go. I don't know why. I wanted to. I NEEDED to get out of this town. But when it came down to it, I was afraid. Afraid of the drive, afraid of the trip who knows? I'm beginning to wonder if I was just afraid to leave the house. It seems to be harder and harder for me.

Yes, there was an argument. I don't blame him for being upset. But when it comes down to it, its on me. In 12 hours he will be with little man and his family, a happy place. I am here, alone, wondering what the hell I was thinking.

So for the next week, I will try to find what I need to welcome them back while I deal with being alone...maybe the longest time ever for me.