Although most days it seems like we are muddling through and making things better, I am not naive enough to believe its all perfect. We have had a rough few days -- new diet for me, no smoking for him, all of us getting used to each other again -- and somehow it became easy to fall back into old patterns. Bickering, sniping at each other. Nothing we can't break through.
Then we had another big setback today. No, I won't even be overstating it if I say HUGE setback. One that is going to make it almost impossible for us to survive financially, even with all the things we have cut out of the budget.
So my question to myself, anyone that might read this and most importantly God is this. How much is too much? How much do you take before you not only make a change, but a drastic, change your life sort of change? All of the sacrifices that we made and had our family make for this move seem like they were for nothing. Not only have we not moved forward, but we are far worse off than when we began. And mostly miserable.
I can say with 99.9% certainty that our marriage won't survive if this keeps on the same path. I had a moment earlier today, even before this awful news, that brought me right back to a couple of months ago, when our marriage was in complete shambles and I felt powerless to do anything to save it. Which means change has to happen and quick. Our son needs it too.
What, what to do? I am at a loss. We decided it would be best for me to stay home, both for our family and finances. I really don't think it would help anything. It would put us right back to where we were that got us in this situation. Its important for me to focus on my family, make things right.
I don't have the answer. I have to put it in God's hands to lead us the right way and to help us make the right decision. I've been brought about as low as I can go.
No comments:
Post a Comment