(I started this post last night, but then I decided I would rather just...be)
Today is a milestone for me. Not a very pretty one, but a huge one. Today is the day after the regular season of baseball ends and the postseason starts. Not so long ago, six months to the day, to be exact, I was gearing up to go to Reds opening day the next day. Well, in theory. In reality, everything that had been unraveling in me came completely undone. Not just a little fraying, but like a giant ball of yarn that a cat has been playing with for hours and strewn all over the living room undone.
In the aftermath of the destruction that this caused, I rested. I healed. I cried. I prayed. A lot. I raged. I went to appointments. Doctors. More doctors. Pharmacies. I went to be every single flippin' night not thinking I could get up and do it all again the next day. And yet every single flippin' day I woke up. I didn't know why. All I wanted for so long was to not. Not to wake up. Not to hurt. Just...not.
Here's the thing about all of that. Once you start on the clean-up, you have to see it through. So more than anything, I fought. Because I knew what the cost was for giving in. I fought, and am still fighting, as hard as I could, as hard as I can.
Today I am blessed to be alive. I am grateful for it, which I might not have said even two months ago. Like I said, I am still fighting. I have a strong support system of friends and family near and far, they keep me going. God keeps me fighting. Lifts me up. Reminds me that I am something of worth and that I still have so much more to give in this world.
Today, just live. <3
1 comment:
This is beautiful, Shannon, and I praise God for your testimony. He gives us trials to give us testimonies to draw us closer to Him and prove He is God. I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you went thru a lot. I am thankful He brought you thru that fire to share His mercy and grace.
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