Turning grey and it surely looks like rain

The weather has me in a funk today.  Nothing like stepping outside to go to church to find that it's not only cold, but it is "is it going to freakin' snow" cold.  I love fall so much that knowing that OTHER season is approaching makes me want to hunker down under multiple blankets and growl at people.  Blame it on the barometric pressure changes with all the storms around.

So today is my small things I am grateful for that are not sports or music related in any way.  (I can do it, I promise)

While they are still there, the leaves falling off the trees.  Doing a continuous scratch scratch scratch on the concrete outside my bedroom window, reminding me that they are still sticking around.

The velvety underside of a dog's snout.  Is there anything even remotely as soft on the planet?  I can sit and scratch Rosie's face for as long as she will let me and be perfectly content.

The color of the sky at the exact moment of twilight, dusk, whatever you choose to call it.  Its a deep blue indigo, a color almost without a name.  There is a spot in time at that exact moment where the world seems to go almost silent, as if nature needs to take a deep breath before switching over to night.

Getting a package.  Man, I am such a kid when it comes to mail.  Good mail, obviously, not the grown up variety.  Since I don't get letters like I used to, its generally in the form of packages.  But it makes no difference to me.  Even when I know the package is a bottle of vitamins and some notebook paper, it still holds that level of excitement for me.

The way every kid, I don't care how old they are, looks a guaranteed half their age while they are sleeping.  I could watch my kids sleep all night, if I thought they wouldn't wake up and think I was some sort of maternal stalker.  There is just something so sweet and innocent about sleeping kids.

The feel of the pages in a brand new magazine.  Now I will admit, I've mostly switched over to digital versions of my favorite print magazines, more for convenience sake than any real issue with magazines.  The other day I happened to pick up a magazine at the check out in line at the grocery store and I had an aha! moment.  This is what's missing.  The actual feel of the pages!  Not only that, but in many of the magazines I frequent, the smells.  You just don't get that from a Kindle.

I have been a dreadful insomniac since I was born it sometimes seems.  So this next one is a rarity for me, but still amazing.  That feeling that you get right as you know you are going to fall into a deep sleep.  A sense of peace, near paralysis of your body and just...rest.

Sigh.  See?  I feel better all ready.

Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say

I've lost my bloggy, it seems.  Trust me, it isn't because I have nothing to say.  That could be a fatal flaw of mine, always something to say.  And I am still grateful, that is not the problem.  No giant obstacles, no writer's block.  Just time.

We got caught up in baseball fever.  We had our hearts broken when the Reds imploded.  We had a great time celebrating downtown.  Then I decided it would be a great time to fall oh so gracefully and wreck my knee.  We have spent the time since then shuttling back and forth between medical appointments, dropping outrageous money on co-pays along the way.  I could go on a healthcare rampage here, but I will take a deep breath and recall my previous "grateful for insurance" post instead.

Really, there's nothing out of the ordinary going on.  I think it has been a moment of refocus.  I've been reading a lot of really profound earth changing blogs and I start to feel a little shallow and pointless.  I know that it is not the case, in theory, but man.  Reading about people doing missionary work, describing these life altering trips to Haiti makes me sit back and wonder.  I will get into that later.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about change, with a capital C.  We will see where it leads.

I went back to work full-time this week, which is HUGE.  I try not to focus on it.  Honestly, is it that different?  I have one day less off a week.  I still get to work at home.  My job still rocks.  I also switched up some medical stuff, but that's neither here nor there.  I actually feel pretty great now.  I'm a walking pharmacy, but if I learned one thing over the last year or so, it's to trust the opinions and advice of those with much more expertise than I have.

Moral of the story, it's all good.  I will be back to being grateful tomorrow.

Sticks and stones may break my bones

I've been absent in my blog posting, I know.  It's been...a  week.  Some good, some bad.  We got to go downtown and have a great time outside of the stadium for game 3.  And then we lost.  3 games in a row.  No more playoffs.  I suppose that's not the worst thing in the world, I wasn't sure I could make it through another series.  128 days until pitchers and catchers report, in case anyone was wondering.

Bad, well, while we were having fun I practiced my pretend like you are coordinated act and tripped and fell flat on my kneecaps.  I would not recommend doing this.  I'm not sure I've ever felt pain quite like it.  I suffered for a few days and finally broke down and went to urgent care today.  Good news?  Not really.  Kneecap wasn't broken but it looks like other structural damage is in play, so I get to visit a brand new doctor next week!

I am grateful I have insurance.  (Even if I do have to pay too much in copays, but that is a post for another day)  I really am.  I've had too many clumsy injuries like this when I didn't and they ended up lingering forever.  I am hopeful its something simple and easy to fix, but if it isn't, at least I have options?

Back to the warm and fuzzies this weekend.  I need a pain pill.

All the small things, true care truth brings

It's simple pleasures day for me today.  For whatever reason, I am feeling like retreating under the covers.  But there is always a reason to peek out.

I am grateful for the few green leaves that remain among the vibrant gold and red.  I love this time of year, but I love my trees.  The trees are one of my biggest pleasure living here and it is like saying au revoir to a dear friend every year when they shed their leaves.

Fuzzy socks.  Yep, fuzzy socks.  It has been chilly here the last few days, downright cold to me.  Those silly little fuzzy socks have helped my shivering, along with fuzzy blankets.  I am sure if my coworkers and customers could see my getup they would get a good chuckle out of it.  Have I mentioned how much I work from home.

Again I am grateful to live in a place where we can DO things.  We can't afford to go to game 3 of the NLDS tomorrow, but we are going to go and hang out right outside the ballpark along with who knows however many hundreds of other people tomorrow.  And tomorrow, I will be totally grateful for the sweep of the Giants.  :)

And lastly, I am grateful for this blog.  It has been my own little personal outlet to voice the thoughts that ramble around in my head.

Don't blame us if we ever doubt you, you know we couldn't live without you

Ah yes.  This one shouldn't be too hard to see coming.  I swear, sometimes I feel so shallow and transparent.  But the thing about being "shallow" is that I really enjoy the simple pleasures in life.  Seriously.  It really doesn't take a grand gesture to make me happy or to entertain me.  Which is why I think I like sports in general so much.

Baseball.  If you get it, you get it.  If you don't, you just don't and there is not anything I am going to say to convince you.  Trust me, I have tried.  No amount of  "there are really cute boys" or "c'mon just support my team!" will convince my beloved sister to give it a try.  Her loss.  ;)

I haven't always been a fanatic of the sport like I am now.  The entrance into my life of a certain Mr. has turned me from casual fan to ridiculous fan.  Yup.  THAT fan.  Moving to a city with an actual big league team has only fueled that fire.  While I watched baseball on tv before, now we can go down to the park with very little effort (we live less than 10 miles from GABP) and usually not so much cash expenditure.  There is something very different about watching the game live, which I am sure most fans will agree with.  We are now on our third summer in the area and I am a full blown crazy Reds fan.

(To stop the questions before they begin, yes.  I am still very much a Red Sox fan.  I just prefer not to discuss them in their current state.  Its all about the Reds love baby)

Today's grateful is that silly little game.  Oh, and its a combo post for the weekend because I am in the midst of a preseason frenzy.  I wrote the rules, I can break them.

It really is a silly game.  Grown men running around after a little ball, insane superstitions, inane rules like the infield fly rule.  Yeah, I went there.  Despite all its silliness, it brings people together.  It brings families together.  We watch all together here.  I chat on the phone with Dilly in New Mexico during games.  And when things get tough, as they have been known to do around here, sometimes its easier to sit quietly and watch a baseball game than it is to stress over more worldly matters.  That is the main reason I am grateful.

Baseball lets me have pure joy while putting aside other thoughts for just a little while.

Go Reds.

Times like these you learn to love again...

(I started this post last night, but then I decided I would rather just...be)

Today is a milestone for me.  Not a very pretty one, but a huge one.  Today is the day after the regular season of baseball ends and the postseason starts.  Not so long ago, six months to the day, to be exact, I was gearing up to go to Reds opening day the next day.  Well, in theory.  In reality, everything that had been unraveling in me came completely undone.  Not just a little fraying, but like a giant ball of yarn that a cat has been playing with for hours and strewn all over the living room undone.

In the aftermath of the destruction that this caused, I rested.  I healed.  I cried.  I prayed.  A lot.  I raged.  I went to appointments.  Doctors.  More doctors.  Pharmacies.  I went to be every single flippin' night not thinking I could get up and do it all again the next day.  And yet every single flippin' day I woke up.  I didn't know why.  All I wanted for so long was to not.  Not to wake up.  Not to hurt.  Just...not.

Here's the thing about all of that.  Once you start on the clean-up, you have to see it through.  So more than anything, I fought.  Because I knew what the cost was for giving in.  I fought, and am still fighting, as hard as I could, as hard as I can.

Today I am blessed to be alive.  I am grateful for it, which I might not have said even two months ago.  Like I said, I am still fighting.  I have a strong support system of friends and family near and far, they keep me going.  God keeps me fighting.  Lifts me up.  Reminds me that I am something of worth and that I still have so much more to give in this world.

Today, just live.  <3

What do you love about music? To begin with, everything.

I love  music.  I always have.  Music has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.  From when I very young, it has been a part of my life.  My tastes have changed somewhat, but generally, not a lot. I like to rock.  Pure and simple.  I can remember listening to what is now classic rock with my dad at an age where I should have probably been listening to more age appropriate genres.  Like the crap my mom listened to.  But I digress.  ;)

A band that irrevocably changed me was Nirvana.  I know some of you (and I see you, by the way) just groaned at that.  My love affair with all things Nirvana is well documented.  Anyway, my item of gratefulness today begins with Nirvana.  The drummer of Nirvana, specifically.

I adore Dave Grohl.  Truth be told, I have an unhealthy obsession with Dave.  Ask Bay.  This is daddy #3.  When I *finally* got to see Foo Fighters live last year I cried for the majority of the show.  Yep, I'm that fan.

Oh Dave.  Imagine my dismay today upon learning that Foo is taking a "break".  Horror.  Extreme unhappiness.  Instant Foo listening marathon.  Tears.  Yep, that fan.

Here is where the grateful comes in.  I am GRATEFUL for this man and his beautiful music.  Ok, he screams more than he sings.  But to me, he sings the most wonderful melodies known to man.  His music and this band have been a big part of every single thing I've gone through for so very long?  They speak to my soul.  I don't know what to do thinking their new music won't be a part of my life again.

I love the Foo Fighters.  I am so glad I got to see them on what may very well be their last tour, for the very first time.  And the music will still continue to speak to me as it has for the last 18 years.

The Guys

When I was a teenager, defiant and full of dreams and expectations, I don't think I ever envisioned kids in my future.  Not that I didn't want them, they just didn't fit in to my plans for myself.  I never had that overwhelming desire to be a wife and mommy.

Well, obviously things changed, one kid at a time for six years until I had a d'oh moment where I realized, yes, indeed I did have four children.

But before that, there was my eldest niece.  I was still in the highlight of my turbulent twenties when she came around.  At first she was almost like a novelty.  It didn't seem real that my little sister had such a cute little thing.  Let me tell you.  Since she was just a small bundle of action and pep, that little girl stole my heart.  She was the only kid around for three years until I had my oldest, and she got ALL the attention.  I don't know how I sat through so many Veggie Tales videos, but for her, I did.  Even when I had been out since 3 am the night before.

Since then I've been blessed to have three more of my own, but also to have another niece and a nephew.  Today is my nephew's 11th birthday.  He's my little buddy and I really miss him.  I wish I could be there to celebrate with him.  Since we have moved, I don't see them like I want to.  But they hold a special place in my heart and they are my blessing for the day.  LOVE my guys!!

Its October!

October 1st!  I do love October.  While this weekend was this glorious perfect weather, today is cool and rainy.  I'll be honest.  Must as I adore sunshine, I love the rain.  It could rain every single day and I would be ok with that.  Obviously it rains WAY more here that it does in the Southwest, so my love of rain works out pretty well.  I worked with my window open today...and a blanket wrapped around me.  I just couldn't stand not letting the fresh air in.  :)

Going to start the month with just one thing I am grateful for.  Its a big one in my life right now.

This is Rosie.  We have been wanting a dog for awhile now, but as we have been virtual gypsies in our many travels and moves, not so feasible.  We waited until the guys were here this summer to rescue a shelter dog.  Turns out, she was the one doing the rescuing.

Walking into a shelter is always a painful process.  All those dogs looking up at you with the sad eyes or the excited eyes, barking, wagging, vying for attention.  We went in looking for a particular dog, but he had already been adopted.  As we walked the aisles, I saw her.  She was quiet, shy in her corner softly wagging her tail.  She was in a pen with another dog, her brother, who was very friendly and enthusiastic.  But I wanted her.  She had a look of a dog who needed me.  

I've never heard of an assistance dog for someone with anxiety issues, but this dog is it.  She is a Border Collie mix, probably Australian Shepherd.  She and her brother were dropped off at a vet's office, so we don't know her history.  As we brought her home into our family, it was obvious she had been through some sort of abuse.  It took some time to get her out of her shell and to see any signs of confidence.  Today, you wouldn't even recognize her as the dog we took home that day.  She's our buddy, our protector and my security blanket.  She seems to have an uncanny sense when things are... off...for me and when that happens, she will not leave my side.  Those of you that aren't dog people may roll your eyes, but there is nothing like the companionship.

So today, I give you Rosie.  She hangs out at my feet looking out the window most days that I work and its endlessly comforting to just be able to lean over and ruffle her fuzzy head.