Well hello there world! Our not so trusty HP laptop finally took its last breath right around Christmas time. We were terribly surprised considering it was on its 3rd hard drive and 2nd fan. Yeah, needless to say, there will be no more HP purchases in this house. Anywho, I am a firm believer that I can use my handy dandy precious Kindle Fire for everything interwebs related, but blogging and my writing are the two blaring exceptions. So back to laptop it is, and here I am, in all my 2013 glory.
The beginning of 2013 has been uneventful, which is perfect. I don't make resolutions, I find them to be arbitrary this-is-what-is-expected types of goals that very rarely get accomplished. Why set myself up for that? This year I did make a very specific list of goals that I would like to reach, from the mundane (knit a pair of Fair Isle mittens) to the lofty (run a 5K in May and train for the 10K Warrior Run in October). I would like to think I made a very manageable list, but only time will tell. :)
More to the point of what I have been working on lately is this - I am striving to live an intentional sort of life. Go ahead. Roll your eyes and wonder why I am talking like a self help book. I haven't completely lost it. It occurred to me within the last couple of months that I have lived my entire life with a do what you want sort of attitude. One of my favorite quotes perfectly sums me up - I'll think about that tomorrow. Guess what peeps? I am not now, nor have I ever been Miss Scarlett. It's nearly impossible to live life in a zero consequences sort of world. Do what you want doesn't get you very far before you are scrambling to pick up the pieces the majority of your days. I am not a genius, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am certainly an expert in poor choices and the inevitable aftermath.
Unfortunately, as I've also learned, most of these choices are not eligible for a redo. So you live with them, you move on, you try to learn. Here's where the intentions come in. I want to make every decision that I make, every word I speak, every path I take mean something. If I am making a choice that takes us nowhere, why make it? If my words are not for good, if they are spiteful or just gossip for the sake of gossip, why speak them? Once I had this in my head (just for the record, the idea is not mine alone. It's more of a mashup of many well spoken, well written people I respect), it became nearly impossible for me to do otherwise. That might sound exhausting, and if you don't like the incessant internal dialogue, this is not for you. I am used to that non-stop chatter, so it doesn't bother me at all. I actually think....before I act. What a novel concept! Not just on big things, but on little things. It's new and very different for me, but most of my life post-last Spring is just that - I am a new person through Him. What I do in my daily life should reflect that.
I've come to have peace in places in my life that I never thought I would have peace again. I can't explain what a refreshing feeling this is. Imagine spending years and years waking up and having your first conscious thought be full of dread. Now I wake up before dawn (not by choice, some things will never change!) and I look forward to what I can learn, what I can accomplish. Which may or may not include that 10K and the bet I stand to collect on.
Next up: what I have learned about forgiveness and how I woke up and realized, at 41, that I can be defined by more than my career choices.
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