A Hazy Shade of Winter

I know we all have those periods of time in life where it feels like it's all we can do to pull ourselves together, throw together simple mono-syllabic responses and trudge through our daily life.  Luckily for most of us, those times are few and far between, but for us girls, this may also be accompanied by a raging desire to fight with someone for no reason or eat an entire tub of mint chocolate chip.

But what about when that feeling persists, becomes a squatter in your life?  I admit, I almost always panic.  The thoughts rush, the anxiety sets in and I'm already planning out how best to prepare the boys for my next foray into breakdown-ville.  We've had a series of challenges around here the last couple of weeks, and my thoughts have gone there.  I've been sleeping too little (on the couch, long story, but not so comfortable), having far too many nightmares and generally just surviving, not a whole lot of living.  I really had not understood how important routine has become to me in the last 9 months or so.  Routine or goal-oriented would hardly be a description most would use for me, and I accept that.  However, faced with routine disruption on an extended level really has me out of whack.

Slowly, I have made things part of my day that were not on the agenda before, so to speak.  Reading in the morning and before bed.  Studying, learning, absorbing.  Writing.  I have a journal by me at all times that I jot  things down in - ideas, quotes, prayers, links.  When I looked at my journal tonight, I realized the last entry was over a week ago.  My crafting, as silly as that sounds.  It calms me.  I developed a love for doing origami last spring, which always gives me and my sister a giggle.  Go fold your paper, you will feel better!  It's time for macrame in the rec room!  Really though, give it a try.  You might be surprised at how calming it can be.  Knitting, always.  My 2 projects have barely progressed this week.  See?  My routine, as small and seemingly inconsistent as it may be, settles me.  It helps me take a step back and refocus.  And at this point, those gorgeous colorwork mittens I have sitting next to me might be ready when it's 90 out and I'm ready for fall.

And then of course...we have this.

God, all of your world and its creations are beautiful, things to be awed over.  Some days the beauty of the winter sky are breathtaking.  Then there are other days where I check the tree branches once or twice to see if maybe, possibly, that might be a bud that I see?  Could it be?  Oh, how I love my green trees.  And is it a ray of sunshine I see poking through?  I am starting to long for spring.  Much as I long to be a new, growing creation.

So for now, I will force myself back into the routine, mentally check myself out of breakdown-ville, watch the first Spring Training game on TV tomorrow (!!) and enjoy the ice storm. :)