I consider myself a fairly evolved human being. Intelligent, on most days. My education is well rounded, some of which I actually remember. I never realized how dumb doing 100 things at once has made me. At any given time, I have my laptop, my cell phone, my tablet and either the television with a game or music on.
Our brains were not designed to deal with so many different stimuli at one time. My pride at being a multi-tasker simply means this - I am mediocre at doing lots of activities. I have lost the capability to give one thing all of my attention, unless I absolutely need to.
No wonder I've been exhausted, overrun, overwrought. Anxious, despondent and furiously pissed are all accurate descriptions. Done, most days.
Amazing things happened when I had to refocus. I read, a lot, just like I normally do. I wrote, almost unceasingly, and well. I listened. I started remembering things I had forgotten I ever even knew. I sat, quietly, peacefully. I watched the world around me and I gave thanks to the Lord for it. I heard exactly what He had been trying to tell me and I understood it with a clarity that took my breath away.
I saw the sun rise, I saw it set, I watched storms ebb and flow. And I knew, without having to over think and analyze, that life is good and worth living. I let others help where I could not and worked on what I could control.
Since I've been home, I am easing back in to the technology tentatively. The overwhelming urge to turn everything on at once is a hard habit to break. But the truth is, I don't need to obsess myself with the news. I don't need to know who had what for breakfast or which kids are perfect, still. I will pick and choose what I expose my brain to and hopefully keep remembering the things I already know.
There is hope in simplicity, in remembering.
And I know that those who love me, remember that. I count on it.
