It's been quite a week, hasn't it? Like most of us, I have run the gamut of emotions. Fear, anger, hopelessness, anxiety and a feeling of unease, to name a few. I've watched the news ad nauseam. I've been even more of a Twitter addict than normal. Who me, obsess?
I have another emotion that leaves me both confused and somewhat peaceful. That is pity. As I am disgusted and horrified by a teenage boy and his barely older brother who could commit such an atrocity, I also pity them. Maybe it was compounded by the image of a bleeding, most definitely scared fugitive hiding in a backyard boat, after most likely contributing to another death - his brother. Certainly it is the youthful countenance of this individual. But why pity? Who deserves pity after such a week? Truth is, everyone. For the same reason everyone is demanding the preservation of his rights under our legal system, I feel this sense of pity.
Mikey and I spent Monday afternoon finally able to sit down and watch Zero Dark Thirty together. As the movie begins, there is a dark screen with snippets of 911 calls and messages from 9/11. Every time I watch 9/11 related media, I am struck by how much anxiety the sights and sounds can still provoke in me. This movie was no different. We got to the part of the movie where they are ready to move on Osama bin Laden when we had to stop the movie, Bay was on his way home. I grabbed my tablet and went online and saw what had just recently transpired in Boston. Immediately, I felt dread. Deep seated, "oh no, not again" dread. I am sure most of us felt that, to some extent. The feeling of what next is something that 9/11 made inherent in my nature.
Here's where things are different than they have been in my past though...after the initial 24 hours I knew I didn't have to be afraid, that God does not want us to live our life in fear. I followed the story hour by hour with everyone else and grieved with the city of Boston, the mothers of children lost far too young. As the attempt to flee by the suspects played out on before our eyes on TV and the facts became known regarding these individuals, of course we wonder why? There may never be those answers, unfortunately. And please, don't misunderstand my pity for anything other than what it is. I firmly believe this individual should be tried and face the justice system. But as a mother and the woman that I am, I can't help but wonder how these boys got to where they did.
So I pray for our country, I pray for the people of Boston, I pray for justice. I will also pray for the mothers of those lost...all of them. I leave you with a quote from the pastor of our church from a sermon I listened to today - the radical and scandalous nature of grace is that is available to everyone. (Thanks Pastor Jamie!) I will not let this harden my heart.
