For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

For tonight I will take solace in these words from Isaiah.

Merry Christmas to everyone.

The other shoe

Lately I've been wondering if the buildup of thoughts in my head has to do with not writing anymore. I used to journal daily and even my most mundane thoughts would pour out. It is cathartic, soul cleansing. It was a way for me to not only memorialize things, big and small, but to put my thoughts in a different sort of persepective. I haven't done it regularly in years. I got a big girl job, got married, had kids, got divorced, got married again and had another kid. So I find myself, 4 kids and at least one ruined marriage later wondering whether or not I just need to get back to basics. Back to what helped me to let it all out, so to speak.

Its not easy. Especially when you have pent up thoughts and emotions that overwhelm you..where to begin? My husband and I are considering counseling to work through some of our multiple issues and though he may not agree, this may be more helpful for me. The term rock bottom is so ridiculously cliched, but there is some truth to how it feels. I find myself alone, in a town I don't want to live in, with a life I never expected to have. Making it more Hallmark Channel is the fact that all of my children are not here with me, at the time of year that all children should be around. The silence is deafening. I know they are happy. I know they are well cared for. But what parent could be okay with not having their babies around at Christmas? Certainly not me. I have issues surrounding the holidays, as I am sure we all do, but the magic of the season is amplified by kids and almost nearly snuffed out by their absence.

And so this is how I will work through it. For now.