I am in a creative mood today, a bit manic even (in a good way, I promise). I have more than a few projects in the works and lurking on the fringes. I feel productive! For most of my "adult" life I think I resigned myself to the you can't do that mentality when it comes to branching out, taking a chance.
So. What the hell am I talking about, right?
I have enough time and enough motivation at this point in my life that I can finally take a giant leap of faith and do something I have always wanted to do. Write. Not blog, although obviously I will do that. But write, write. And even more exciting? I am DOING it, not just obsessing about it, worrying about it, planning to do it, coming up with reasons why it's a bad idea, starting and rejecting it. Doing it. I must say...it feels great. It's like I have kept it all bottled up and now words and thoughts and ideas are just...there.
As bad as I am at being secretive, I'm going to keep things under wraps from everyone, including the most nosy in my life (I'm looking at you!) until I have a workable output that is worth sharing. All I ask for is your best wishes, good vibes, prayers. Whatever you would like to send my way. Actually working towards realizing a dream of what I wanted to be when I grow up - which I won't - is pretty damn cool.
Current inspirational playlist: (on shuffle, obviously)**
Money Maker - The Black Keys
First it Giveth - Queens of the Stone Age
Bell Bottom Blues - Derek and the Dominos
The Catalyst - Linkin Park
Kill Rock n' Roll - System of a Down
Light of the Morning - Band of Skulls (or as Bay calls it, the fast car song)
The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You - My Chemical Romance
U Mass - Pixies
Mekong - Refreshments
New Born - Muse
**disclaimer: Yes. I realize I am quite strange.
16 November 2012
13 November 2012
And I haven't felt so alive, in years
My brain has been all over the map the last week. The election stirred up too much in me, and much of it I can't get out of my head. No, no, don't run for the hills - I'm not about to talk politics and issues. Half the time I don't even know where I stand, so why should I subject anyone else to my rambling?
Mostly, it has made me introspective. Thinking about life, how much things have changed since I couldn't wait to be a "grown up". Thinking about what the near future and the far future hold for me, my family, my loved ones, everyone really. I suspect I am probably not even close to alone in these thoughts.
I had the opportunity yesterday to have two very different interactions with people I have never met and never will. The first was during the course of work, where I get to talk to people all day long. Usually its not personal and not long. Occasionally though, I run across someone who really likes to talk for one reason or another. Yes, it's in the course of work and I should stay professional but as I also like to talk a fair amount, I almost always fall prey to the talkers. This call was from an elderly woman in the morning that still has me thinking. How amazing is that? Someone I have never met shared life experiences and life advice with me that was meaningful, insightful and greatly appreciated. I actually took NOTES while she was giving me the advice.
That conversation made me realize that so many of the things we seek answers and solutions to can't be solved. Answers that we look for can only come from experiences we have and the life we lead. On top of that, why are we even looking? I know I personally do way too much thinking about things that make no difference in the grand scheme of my existence. I have become a lot more focused on the things that I should be seeking answers to lately, Other than that, it seems a lot more important to focus on things front and center.
The other experience was on a blog I had never read written by a man I have never met. I came across the blog after seeing a twitter post about someone who had recently passed away. The man lives in the area and had suffered from stage 4 inoperable lung cancer for the last two years. The blog existed before he got sick, but became his story about his illness and how he dealt with it after he was diagnosed. I spent a good 2 hours looking through this blog. The strength of this man was inspirational. Realizing that he needed to enjoy his life, he spent the 2 years before he died with his family and travelling. He traveled to every single state and part of Canada on his motorcycle, because he wanted to. It took many, many trips between relapses and treatment. He did it with many different groups of friends. He chose to experience life to the fullest.
After marveling at his stories, I found myself wondering if I could do that. Knowing that the end was coming, could I chose joy and turn it around? You know the people around him just wanted to bundle him up and keep him close. I hope that if something like that ever happens in my life (not trying to be morbid, by the way) that I can embrace life and make it count. Sounds cliche but isn't that would we should be doing? Living life and enjoying every moment?
OK. I feel better getting that out. And I look forward to the next time I have an interaction that truly makes me think. I promise to keep it light next time. - S
Mostly, it has made me introspective. Thinking about life, how much things have changed since I couldn't wait to be a "grown up". Thinking about what the near future and the far future hold for me, my family, my loved ones, everyone really. I suspect I am probably not even close to alone in these thoughts.
I had the opportunity yesterday to have two very different interactions with people I have never met and never will. The first was during the course of work, where I get to talk to people all day long. Usually its not personal and not long. Occasionally though, I run across someone who really likes to talk for one reason or another. Yes, it's in the course of work and I should stay professional but as I also like to talk a fair amount, I almost always fall prey to the talkers. This call was from an elderly woman in the morning that still has me thinking. How amazing is that? Someone I have never met shared life experiences and life advice with me that was meaningful, insightful and greatly appreciated. I actually took NOTES while she was giving me the advice.
That conversation made me realize that so many of the things we seek answers and solutions to can't be solved. Answers that we look for can only come from experiences we have and the life we lead. On top of that, why are we even looking? I know I personally do way too much thinking about things that make no difference in the grand scheme of my existence. I have become a lot more focused on the things that I should be seeking answers to lately, Other than that, it seems a lot more important to focus on things front and center.
The other experience was on a blog I had never read written by a man I have never met. I came across the blog after seeing a twitter post about someone who had recently passed away. The man lives in the area and had suffered from stage 4 inoperable lung cancer for the last two years. The blog existed before he got sick, but became his story about his illness and how he dealt with it after he was diagnosed. I spent a good 2 hours looking through this blog. The strength of this man was inspirational. Realizing that he needed to enjoy his life, he spent the 2 years before he died with his family and travelling. He traveled to every single state and part of Canada on his motorcycle, because he wanted to. It took many, many trips between relapses and treatment. He did it with many different groups of friends. He chose to experience life to the fullest.
After marveling at his stories, I found myself wondering if I could do that. Knowing that the end was coming, could I chose joy and turn it around? You know the people around him just wanted to bundle him up and keep him close. I hope that if something like that ever happens in my life (not trying to be morbid, by the way) that I can embrace life and make it count. Sounds cliche but isn't that would we should be doing? Living life and enjoying every moment?
OK. I feel better getting that out. And I look forward to the next time I have an interaction that truly makes me think. I promise to keep it light next time. - S
06 November 2012
Freedom..you've gotta give for what you take
Election Day, in case you were not aware. If you were not, I envy you. I really do. I don't think I am in the minority with that sentiment. Most of us are sick to death of the ads, the dialogue, the endless rhetoric and the coverage. The non-stop endless coverage with pundits galore. I've been joking about moving to Canada to live with a moose.
Obviously I don't mean that. The process is important. Does it need fixing, well yes, of course. But it's what we have to work with. I actually DO understand the electoral college, being the history loving nerd that I am, but it doesn't mean that it is relevant in today's age. And other things, which I do not choose to jump up on my soapbox about.
I grew up in a very politically active family. I learned a lot about it. Enough that now, as a parent myself, my views are dramatically different than my parents. And that is OKAY. That means I learned enough and I have enough confidence in my own opinions that I don't just follow along like a sheep, going with the crowd or the popular kids.
That is not why I wanted to post today. I know it happens every political season, but I have seen an abundance of taking politics to a personal level this year. As in, you don't support my candidate, you are obviously ignorant. (I'm not) You clearly don't love children. (I think the four of them might disagree) You are racist and don't believe in the rights of women. (Well, I come from a hispanic family and I have a vagina, so...)
You get the idea. I know it goes on from both sides. I find it abhorrent. Perfectly reasonable people grow balls to say things they would never say otherwise. We get further polarized and grow legions apart with this attitude. How on earth did it become acceptable to hate or look down on an entire group of people simply because they belong to a different party than you do? Simply put, don't assume you know someone, or even that you know what their politics and views are. I believe most people are not firmly in one camp or another.
I was raised in a staunchly liberal household. Vote straight party line and don't even consider anything else. I am an independent. I am still very liberal in terms of many social issues. I have found myself growing increasingly conservative fiscally as I have gotten older and certainly with kids in the picture. I would also like to see God more present in our country. The party I most mirror in my views is the Libertarian party. Pretty diverse huh? My point is this - don't assume you know. Step back and take a deep breath. The vitriol and nastiness is unwarranted and unnecessary. I think most of us just want our country to be better.
I will close with this. Vote as you will, do not judge others if they don't agree with you. Most importantly, pray that whoever is our next president will have our best interests at heart and help those who desperately need it. We need God's love and justice in our country.
Obviously I don't mean that. The process is important. Does it need fixing, well yes, of course. But it's what we have to work with. I actually DO understand the electoral college, being the history loving nerd that I am, but it doesn't mean that it is relevant in today's age. And other things, which I do not choose to jump up on my soapbox about.
I grew up in a very politically active family. I learned a lot about it. Enough that now, as a parent myself, my views are dramatically different than my parents. And that is OKAY. That means I learned enough and I have enough confidence in my own opinions that I don't just follow along like a sheep, going with the crowd or the popular kids.
That is not why I wanted to post today. I know it happens every political season, but I have seen an abundance of taking politics to a personal level this year. As in, you don't support my candidate, you are obviously ignorant. (I'm not) You clearly don't love children. (I think the four of them might disagree) You are racist and don't believe in the rights of women. (Well, I come from a hispanic family and I have a vagina, so...)
You get the idea. I know it goes on from both sides. I find it abhorrent. Perfectly reasonable people grow balls to say things they would never say otherwise. We get further polarized and grow legions apart with this attitude. How on earth did it become acceptable to hate or look down on an entire group of people simply because they belong to a different party than you do? Simply put, don't assume you know someone, or even that you know what their politics and views are. I believe most people are not firmly in one camp or another.
I was raised in a staunchly liberal household. Vote straight party line and don't even consider anything else. I am an independent. I am still very liberal in terms of many social issues. I have found myself growing increasingly conservative fiscally as I have gotten older and certainly with kids in the picture. I would also like to see God more present in our country. The party I most mirror in my views is the Libertarian party. Pretty diverse huh? My point is this - don't assume you know. Step back and take a deep breath. The vitriol and nastiness is unwarranted and unnecessary. I think most of us just want our country to be better.
I will close with this. Vote as you will, do not judge others if they don't agree with you. Most importantly, pray that whoever is our next president will have our best interests at heart and help those who desperately need it. We need God's love and justice in our country.
28 October 2012
Turning grey and it surely looks like rain
The weather has me in a funk today. Nothing like stepping outside to go to church to find that it's not only cold, but it is "is it going to freakin' snow" cold. I love fall so much that knowing that OTHER season is approaching makes me want to hunker down under multiple blankets and growl at people. Blame it on the barometric pressure changes with all the storms around.
So today is my small things I am grateful for that are not sports or music related in any way. (I can do it, I promise)
While they are still there, the leaves falling off the trees. Doing a continuous scratch scratch scratch on the concrete outside my bedroom window, reminding me that they are still sticking around.
The velvety underside of a dog's snout. Is there anything even remotely as soft on the planet? I can sit and scratch Rosie's face for as long as she will let me and be perfectly content.
The color of the sky at the exact moment of twilight, dusk, whatever you choose to call it. Its a deep blue indigo, a color almost without a name. There is a spot in time at that exact moment where the world seems to go almost silent, as if nature needs to take a deep breath before switching over to night.
Getting a package. Man, I am such a kid when it comes to mail. Good mail, obviously, not the grown up variety. Since I don't get letters like I used to, its generally in the form of packages. But it makes no difference to me. Even when I know the package is a bottle of vitamins and some notebook paper, it still holds that level of excitement for me.
The way every kid, I don't care how old they are, looks a guaranteed half their age while they are sleeping. I could watch my kids sleep all night, if I thought they wouldn't wake up and think I was some sort of maternal stalker. There is just something so sweet and innocent about sleeping kids.
The feel of the pages in a brand new magazine. Now I will admit, I've mostly switched over to digital versions of my favorite print magazines, more for convenience sake than any real issue with magazines. The other day I happened to pick up a magazine at the check out in line at the grocery store and I had an aha! moment. This is what's missing. The actual feel of the pages! Not only that, but in many of the magazines I frequent, the smells. You just don't get that from a Kindle.
I have been a dreadful insomniac since I was born it sometimes seems. So this next one is a rarity for me, but still amazing. That feeling that you get right as you know you are going to fall into a deep sleep. A sense of peace, near paralysis of your body and just...rest.
Sigh. See? I feel better all ready.
So today is my small things I am grateful for that are not sports or music related in any way. (I can do it, I promise)
While they are still there, the leaves falling off the trees. Doing a continuous scratch scratch scratch on the concrete outside my bedroom window, reminding me that they are still sticking around.
The velvety underside of a dog's snout. Is there anything even remotely as soft on the planet? I can sit and scratch Rosie's face for as long as she will let me and be perfectly content.
The color of the sky at the exact moment of twilight, dusk, whatever you choose to call it. Its a deep blue indigo, a color almost without a name. There is a spot in time at that exact moment where the world seems to go almost silent, as if nature needs to take a deep breath before switching over to night.
Getting a package. Man, I am such a kid when it comes to mail. Good mail, obviously, not the grown up variety. Since I don't get letters like I used to, its generally in the form of packages. But it makes no difference to me. Even when I know the package is a bottle of vitamins and some notebook paper, it still holds that level of excitement for me.
The way every kid, I don't care how old they are, looks a guaranteed half their age while they are sleeping. I could watch my kids sleep all night, if I thought they wouldn't wake up and think I was some sort of maternal stalker. There is just something so sweet and innocent about sleeping kids.
The feel of the pages in a brand new magazine. Now I will admit, I've mostly switched over to digital versions of my favorite print magazines, more for convenience sake than any real issue with magazines. The other day I happened to pick up a magazine at the check out in line at the grocery store and I had an aha! moment. This is what's missing. The actual feel of the pages! Not only that, but in many of the magazines I frequent, the smells. You just don't get that from a Kindle.
I have been a dreadful insomniac since I was born it sometimes seems. So this next one is a rarity for me, but still amazing. That feeling that you get right as you know you are going to fall into a deep sleep. A sense of peace, near paralysis of your body and just...rest.
Sigh. See? I feel better all ready.
24 October 2012
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
I've lost my bloggy, it seems. Trust me, it isn't because I have nothing to say. That could be a fatal flaw of mine, always something to say. And I am still grateful, that is not the problem. No giant obstacles, no writer's block. Just time.
We got caught up in baseball fever. We had our hearts broken when the Reds imploded. We had a great time celebrating downtown. Then I decided it would be a great time to fall oh so gracefully and wreck my knee. We have spent the time since then shuttling back and forth between medical appointments, dropping outrageous money on co-pays along the way. I could go on a healthcare rampage here, but I will take a deep breath and recall my previous "grateful for insurance" post instead.
Really, there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. I think it has been a moment of refocus. I've been reading a lot of really profound earth changing blogs and I start to feel a little shallow and pointless. I know that it is not the case, in theory, but man. Reading about people doing missionary work, describing these life altering trips to Haiti makes me sit back and wonder. I will get into that later. I've been doing a lot of thinking about change, with a capital C. We will see where it leads.
I went back to work full-time this week, which is HUGE. I try not to focus on it. Honestly, is it that different? I have one day less off a week. I still get to work at home. My job still rocks. I also switched up some medical stuff, but that's neither here nor there. I actually feel pretty great now. I'm a walking pharmacy, but if I learned one thing over the last year or so, it's to trust the opinions and advice of those with much more expertise than I have.
Moral of the story, it's all good. I will be back to being grateful tomorrow.
We got caught up in baseball fever. We had our hearts broken when the Reds imploded. We had a great time celebrating downtown. Then I decided it would be a great time to fall oh so gracefully and wreck my knee. We have spent the time since then shuttling back and forth between medical appointments, dropping outrageous money on co-pays along the way. I could go on a healthcare rampage here, but I will take a deep breath and recall my previous "grateful for insurance" post instead.
Really, there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. I think it has been a moment of refocus. I've been reading a lot of really profound earth changing blogs and I start to feel a little shallow and pointless. I know that it is not the case, in theory, but man. Reading about people doing missionary work, describing these life altering trips to Haiti makes me sit back and wonder. I will get into that later. I've been doing a lot of thinking about change, with a capital C. We will see where it leads.
I went back to work full-time this week, which is HUGE. I try not to focus on it. Honestly, is it that different? I have one day less off a week. I still get to work at home. My job still rocks. I also switched up some medical stuff, but that's neither here nor there. I actually feel pretty great now. I'm a walking pharmacy, but if I learned one thing over the last year or so, it's to trust the opinions and advice of those with much more expertise than I have.
Moral of the story, it's all good. I will be back to being grateful tomorrow.
12 October 2012
Sticks and stones may break my bones
I've been absent in my blog posting, I know. It's been...a week. Some good, some bad. We got to go downtown and have a great time outside of the stadium for game 3. And then we lost. 3 games in a row. No more playoffs. I suppose that's not the worst thing in the world, I wasn't sure I could make it through another series. 128 days until pitchers and catchers report, in case anyone was wondering.
Bad, well, while we were having fun I practiced my pretend like you are coordinated act and tripped and fell flat on my kneecaps. I would not recommend doing this. I'm not sure I've ever felt pain quite like it. I suffered for a few days and finally broke down and went to urgent care today. Good news? Not really. Kneecap wasn't broken but it looks like other structural damage is in play, so I get to visit a brand new doctor next week!
I am grateful I have insurance. (Even if I do have to pay too much in copays, but that is a post for another day) I really am. I've had too many clumsy injuries like this when I didn't and they ended up lingering forever. I am hopeful its something simple and easy to fix, but if it isn't, at least I have options?
Back to the warm and fuzzies this weekend. I need a pain pill.
Bad, well, while we were having fun I practiced my pretend like you are coordinated act and tripped and fell flat on my kneecaps. I would not recommend doing this. I'm not sure I've ever felt pain quite like it. I suffered for a few days and finally broke down and went to urgent care today. Good news? Not really. Kneecap wasn't broken but it looks like other structural damage is in play, so I get to visit a brand new doctor next week!
I am grateful I have insurance. (Even if I do have to pay too much in copays, but that is a post for another day) I really am. I've had too many clumsy injuries like this when I didn't and they ended up lingering forever. I am hopeful its something simple and easy to fix, but if it isn't, at least I have options?
Back to the warm and fuzzies this weekend. I need a pain pill.
08 October 2012
All the small things, true care truth brings
It's simple pleasures day for me today. For whatever reason, I am feeling like retreating under the covers. But there is always a reason to peek out.
I am grateful for the few green leaves that remain among the vibrant gold and red. I love this time of year, but I love my trees. The trees are one of my biggest pleasure living here and it is like saying au revoir to a dear friend every year when they shed their leaves.
Fuzzy socks. Yep, fuzzy socks. It has been chilly here the last few days, downright cold to me. Those silly little fuzzy socks have helped my shivering, along with fuzzy blankets. I am sure if my coworkers and customers could see my getup they would get a good chuckle out of it. Have I mentioned how much I work from home.
Again I am grateful to live in a place where we can DO things. We can't afford to go to game 3 of the NLDS tomorrow, but we are going to go and hang out right outside the ballpark along with who knows however many hundreds of other people tomorrow. And tomorrow, I will be totally grateful for the sweep of the Giants. :)
And lastly, I am grateful for this blog. It has been my own little personal outlet to voice the thoughts that ramble around in my head.
I am grateful for the few green leaves that remain among the vibrant gold and red. I love this time of year, but I love my trees. The trees are one of my biggest pleasure living here and it is like saying au revoir to a dear friend every year when they shed their leaves.
Fuzzy socks. Yep, fuzzy socks. It has been chilly here the last few days, downright cold to me. Those silly little fuzzy socks have helped my shivering, along with fuzzy blankets. I am sure if my coworkers and customers could see my getup they would get a good chuckle out of it. Have I mentioned how much I work from home.
Again I am grateful to live in a place where we can DO things. We can't afford to go to game 3 of the NLDS tomorrow, but we are going to go and hang out right outside the ballpark along with who knows however many hundreds of other people tomorrow. And tomorrow, I will be totally grateful for the sweep of the Giants. :)
And lastly, I am grateful for this blog. It has been my own little personal outlet to voice the thoughts that ramble around in my head.
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